CIRCA 2018 A.D.
As the Cargo Ship rumbled past me at the Ferry Wharf, my ham radio blared its message,
"My name is RKL. I am a survivor living in Mumbai. I am broadcasting on all AM frequencies. I will be at the Bhaucha Dhakka everyday at mid-day, when the sun is highest in the sky. If you are out there... if anyone is out there... I can provide Sambar that doesn't taste like Aamti,I can provide the last few forms for the MIB, I can provide security from the Masters of Maharashtra. If there's anybody out there... anybody... please. You are not alone. "
My 5 year-old kid pulled me to a nearby restaurant to show me the breaking news of the day on TV."The President of the State of Maharashtra,Shri BT, has just passed a bill for Radha-Krishna Day.Also in a recent development, the Ambassador of Bengal called upon the Prime Minister, Shri RT, for signing the deal for exports of Vada Pav to Kolkata." Well,these are the legendary protectors of the Marathi Manoos, the Masters of Maharashtra.The S&M government (you pervs!! its the Sena-Maharashtra Navnirman Aliance),that a decade ago,fought to protect the great culture of Maharashtra and drove away all those who didn't follow the "eat-tambaku-n-spit-everywhere" policy or work as efficiently as the BMC.The few survivors were given the MIB-MAHARASHTRA IDENTIFICATION BILLA which was to be tied to the neck at all times - even while you attend nature's call at public places.
So back to my son who comes up with his own breaking news.
"Baba, you know what?? That Pritamrao Patil chya Dhaba(Pritam da Dhaba), it has been banned for serving sarson da saag n makki di roti.And apna Just Parathas, they were lai shana, they changed to Fakta Puranpoli overnite."
"Son, I don't care. I m already confused where you would study - Jijamata Vidyalaya, Sambhaji MahaVidyalaya or the Shivaji Paathshala."
"But Baba, am I not going to the convent school that you did?"
"Na beta,we are supposed to go to Marathi schools only."
"But Shri RT's son goes to the same school that you went.".Annoyed and Angry.
And all of a sudden a mini-riot broke out between the CKPs and KOBRA for insulting each other's culture.
Thank god for these riots, It saved me from my son so far.
As we made our way to the hospital, I over-heard two cricket-crazy Sachin Bhakt speaking," Chya Mayla, those Madrasis they want to send a security delegation to see if the tour can go on...yeu de tyana, lungi kadhun takeen" Well, for the ill-informed, Karnataka were to tour Mumbai for a 3 tests 5 one-dayers & 10 T20s BalaT-DeveG Trophy.But these riots have put the tour in jeopardy.
Dodging my son's questions and the rioting public, I reach the hospital to find the nurse engrossed in the entertainment section of Mumbai-Aarsha and the headlines screamed "KC Bokadia che chingari, a tribute to RGV ki Aag,was the undisputed hit abroad, especially in Jharkhand."
And there my poor wife lay in the labour-room writhing in pain, having just delivered my cute li'l baby.
"Sorry honey, I can't be with you right now, I got to file for the MIB with the BMC before they get our newborn arrested for being an illegal resident!"
Run Bala Run, b-bye!!
