I AM LEGEND

CIRCA 2018 A.D.

As the Cargo Ship rumbled past me at the Ferry Wharf, my ham radio blared its message,
"My name is RKL. I am a survivor living in Mumbai. I am broadcasting on all AM frequencies. I will be at the Bhaucha Dhakka everyday at mid-day, when the sun is highest in the sky. If you are out there... if anyone is out there... I can provide Sambar that doesn't taste like Aamti,I can provide the last few forms for the MIB, I can provide security from the Masters of Maharashtra. If there's anybody out there... anybody... please. You are not alone. "

My 5 year-old kid pulled me to a nearby restaurant to show me the breaking news of the day on TV."The President of the State of Maharashtra,Shri BT, has just passed a bill for Radha-Krishna Day.Also in a recent development, the Ambassador of Bengal called upon the Prime Minister, Shri RT, for signing the deal for exports of Vada Pav to Kolkata." Well,these are the legendary protectors of the Marathi Manoos, the Masters of Maharashtra.The S&M government (you pervs!! its the Sena-Maharashtra Navnirman Aliance),that a decade ago,fought to protect the great culture of Maharashtra and drove away all those who didn't follow the "eat-tambaku-n-spit-everywhere" policy or work as efficiently as the BMC.The few survivors were given the MIB-MAHARASHTRA IDENTIFICATION BILLA which was to be tied to the neck at all times - even while you attend nature's call at public places.

So back to my son who comes up with his own breaking news.
"Baba, you know what?? That Pritamrao Patil chya Dhaba(Pritam da Dhaba), it has been banned for serving sarson da saag n makki di roti.And apna Just Parathas, they were lai shana, they changed to Fakta Puranpoli overnite."
"Son, I don't care. I m already confused where you would study - Jijamata Vidyalaya, Sambhaji MahaVidyalaya or the Shivaji Paathshala."
"But Baba, am I not going to the convent school that you did?"
"Na beta,we are supposed to go to Marathi schools only."
"But Shri RT's son goes to the same school that you went.".Annoyed and Angry.
And all of a sudden a mini-riot broke out between the CKPs and KOBRA for insulting each other's culture.
Thank god for these riots, It saved me from my son so far.

As we made our way to the hospital, I over-heard two cricket-crazy Sachin Bhakt speaking," Chya Mayla, those Madrasis they want to send a security delegation to see if the tour can go on...yeu de tyana, lungi kadhun takeen" Well, for the ill-informed, Karnataka were to tour Mumbai for a 3 tests 5 one-dayers & 10 T20s BalaT-DeveG Trophy.But these riots have put the tour in jeopardy.

Dodging my son's questions and the rioting public, I reach the hospital to find the nurse engrossed in the entertainment section of Mumbai-Aarsha and the headlines screamed "KC Bokadia che chingari, a tribute to RGV ki Aag,was the undisputed hit abroad, especially in Jharkhand."
And there my poor wife lay in the labour-room writhing in pain, having just delivered my cute li'l baby.
"Sorry honey, I can't be with you right now, I got to file for the MIB with the BMC before they get our newborn arrested for being an illegal resident!"
Run Bala Run, b-bye!!

Just another discussion...

...which involved an English Guy who was head of a certain department and an Indian who was just another team member.

Overheard a nice peaceful talk between them.

Accompanied by a damsel in distress, the English guy (EG) approaches the Indian guy (IG).

EG: Hey help the lady with her task and make sure the lady doesn't have any trouble, else... I will make your life not worth living here.

Indian guy smiles at him of which the lady assumes is the submissive attitude of people in my trade, the ones who accept every unreasonable demand of clients without batting an eyelid.Not that this one was.
Taking copies of some related documents, he approaches the English guy with the lady in tow.

IG (to the lady) : Here you go, this will help you in ur task.
IG (to the EG) : Here J, this will be useful in helping the lady in case she is in trouble.
EG : Why what happened to you??
IG : You can help her incase I m not available.
EG : What do you mean "not available"?
IG : I may be sick & may not come to office.
EG : Yes or maybe you might be hit by a cab and you won't come to office.
IG : Yep... so you can be my BACKUP then.
EG (a bit stunned) : BACKUP ?!?!?!?!
IG : yes, my BACKUP when I may be hit by a cab and i can't make it to office.

Wonder who had the last laugh but all I could see was the Indian guy smiling (as we always do in victory or defeat) and the apple-red colour on the white face of the English guy which was a stark contrast to his shining bald head.

Lost Something ?!?!

Quite a few things around me have been lost these days. And of course the sadness and grief that accompanied all these things have been the same.

There is a friend who lost his cellphone. Another who lost his car.
One lost her precious safety pin while someone else lost his bank PIN.
One lost her CYCLE (the vehicle) while another, her boyfriend.
Someone called me up to tell me that she lost her virginity.
I lost my entire source-code.
I lost my prospective wife. I lost my prospective girlfriend too.
I lost my pair of socks as well.

People call me ABSENT-MINDED. Is there a relation?

I have lost my mind.

Overheard.

A guy and a gal in the coffee shop.

Gal: You know whenever a gal asks a guy out for coffee, the guy feels the gal is there to be taken.That she is a slut.

Guy: Definitely Not.I don't think every gal who does not ask me for coffee is not a SLUT.

Thank you V.

"If you have trouble finding a solution, ask GOOGLE.If you can't find it there, come to me."

Speechless.